It's kind of sad, but I don't think I really want to art anymore. I'm not interested in progressing or bettering my skills. I don't even want to draw in my notebooks during school.
Yeah. Sad. But honestly it's more like I'm satisfied. I'm completely content with my abilities. What makes me kind of empty in my heart is that loss of identity. I'm no longer "that one girl who's always drawing stuff". I'm also not "the co-worker who likes anime" or the "friend who makes costumes". I don't want to say I'm growing up because that's not really what it is. You don't grow out of hobbies or identities or things like that. You just change. It's not that you're better or worse than who you were, I think. You're just different. I'm just different. Life is just different.
I've become more interested in making songs. It's slow going and everything I write is a sappy love song with power chords played on a kids guitar. If you want to check it out you can find me on soundcloud with the same username.
Speaking of usernames, I'm considering re-branding. I've been KateSkirmish for so long and it's still a pretty cool name, but I might change. It depends on what kind of internet presence I want and how I'd like to market myself. If I do change there's a chance I'm going to archive a whoooole lot of my art here. But maybe not. Who knows.
I'd like to make games. I'm currently going to school for computer science. I live in a place where there are a handful of game studios within commuting distance and I have good references in the programming community here. I've definitely got a lot going in my favor. I've already made some experimental board games for my friends and I'm continuing to develop more. Maybe if I make something printable and simple enough in design I will share it with my internet friends.
If there's one thing I've learned from my 10+ years with dA, it's that sharing creative works with others is pretty much one of the best parts of being creative in the first place. It's a way for introverts to connect with a crowd of others. It's a way to instantly click with a complete stranger as if you've been friends forever. It's a way to feel good about who you are and what you bring to the world while encouraging others to do the same.
So as always I will continue to silently pop into dA and check messages. Maybe I'll post a few pictures here and there if inspiration strikes. But mostly I'm still gone. I don't know where I've gone to, but I suppose it's not here. And one day far from now you may feel reminiscent and try to find the dA of that girl who drew all those silly Grell pictures, but maybe I won't be found. Maybe by then I really will be gone.